In his always-hilarious Stained Teeth column for McSweeney’s, Matthew Latkiewicz takes a trip back in time to the 1980′s Bartles & Jaymes Wine Cooler phenomenon.  Remember these ads, where two actors played Bartles & Jaymes (who, incidentally, were modelled after E & J Gallo, founders of the parent company)?:

In his piece, Matt goes to a 1980′s-themed prom and decides to drink the part.  First, he gives a little background info:

A wine cooler is essentially just a mix of wine, fruit juice, sugar, and soda − you can make them at home (and should) − but most people associate the term with the commercially produced concoctions introduced in the 1980s. California Cooler made the first commercially available wine coolers, but it was Bartles & Jaymes − and specifically the ad campaign featuring Frank and Ed, two old guys sitting on a porch being hilarious − that popularized the product. Sales grew dramatically throughout the 80s − Bruce Willis even starred in commercials advertising the Seagrams brand − but by the early 90s, the cooler bubble had burst…

Before you know it:

Dinner finishes and the dancing begins. Later there will be a real-live dance-off in which I will participate − if nothing else, my ballooning pants will look sharp on the dance floor.

Check out Matt’s McSweeney’s piece right over here…